March On, Ye Dumbstruck Heathens

by Ken Carpenter

An English proverb from the 19th century is responsible for the “March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb” adage. The saying has been spouted in four-season countries every year since then, even if the previous ten years had proved it to be inaccurate half of the time or more.

It sounds good anyway, and March just marches on. Sorry, I guess everybody knew that was coming.

March was named for Mars, the Roman God of war. He was also regarded as a guardian of agriculture and an ancestor of the Roman people through his sons Romulus and Remus. March was well named, for many countries used the month to gear up for either the coming agriculture season or the battle campaigns loved by all.

It seems to me that March would pretty much be an afterthought if it did not contain the first day of spring and St Patrick’s Day. Thursday, March 20, is the first day of spring this year, but do not fool yourself into thinking that the weather will suddenly become kind.

Keep in mind that the best weather forecast is to walk outside and hold your hands up toward the sky. Warm hands mean the sun is shining, wet hands mean it is either raining or snowing, numb fingers mean it is cold and dirty fingers mean the crows are bombing you again.

Go back outside an hour later and it will be different. You always have to expect the unexpected in North Idaho, especially in March. We live here because we love variety.

March is National Irish American Heritage Month, designated by Congress in 1995. If you are not Irish, don’t worry. March is also National Craft, Frozen Food, Nutrition, Peanut, Women’s History, Red Cross and Social Worker’s Month. Whew, that’s a mouthful. Or a monthful, if you wish.

The second week of March is National Bubble Week and National Crochet Week. If you need more, there are 62 designated “Days” in the 31 days of March.

I pasted the list below for trivia buffs, but I have to mention a few highlights. First, I want to warn everybody that today, March 8, is National Be Nasty Day. Watch your butt, or wear your meanest face to scare the truly nasty away from you.

Who does these things anyway? Multiple Personality Day, Panic Day, Dumbstruck Day (if you only knew!), National Goof Off Day (my fave!) and naturally, National “Joe” Day. Gee, I wonder who sponsored that one. Could it have been, ummm, Joe Blow?

Congress does not designate it, and its origin is murky, but every March 27th is National Joe Day. It is described as the chance for all underdogs, the common men and women like us, to call ourselves Joe.

Nothing against Joes, but as a Ken I feel about as common as all get out. If I feel any more common I’ll be down on my knees.

I think I will settle for Dumbstruck Day. That is kind of my normal look anyway.


1 National Pig Day

1 Peanut Butter Lovers’ Day

2 Old Stuff Day

3 I Want You to be Happy Day

If Pets Had Thumbs Day

3 National Anthem Day

3 Peach Blossom Day

4 Holy Experiment Day

4 Hug a GI Day

5 Multiple Personality Day

6 Dentist’s Day

6 National Frozen Food Day

7 National Crown Roast of Pork Day

7 Employee Appreciation Day first Friday in March

7 National Salesperson Day – first Friday in the month

8 Be Nasty Day

8 International (Working) Women’s Day  17

9 Panic Day

10 Middle Name Pride Day

11 Johnny Appleseed Day

11 Worship of Tools Day – guys, you can relate

12 Girl Scouts Day

12 Plant a Flower Day

13 Ear Muff Day

13 Jewel Day

13 Popcorn Lover’s Day second Thursday

14 Learn about Butterflies Day

14 National Potato Chip Day

14 National Pi Day– Why today? Because today is 3.14, the value of Pi. 29

15 Everything You Think is Wrong Day

15 Ides of March

15 Incredible Kid Day

15 Dumbstruck Day

15 National Quilting Day – third Saturday of month

16 Everything You Do is Right Day

16 Freedom of Information Day

17 Submarine Day – the hero sandwich or the boat??

17 Saint Patrick’s Day

18 Goddess of Fertility Day

18 Supreme Sacrifice Day   40

19 Poultry Day

20 International Earth Day

20 Extraterrestrial Abductions Day

20 Proposal Day

21 Fragrance Day

22 National Goof Off Day

23 National Chip and Dip Day

23 Near Miss Day

24 National Chocolate Covered Raisin Day

25 National Agriculture Day (date varies)

25 Pecan Day

25 Waffle Day   52

26 Make Up Your Own Holiday Day

27 National “Joe” Day

28 Something on a Stick Day

29 National Mom and Pop Business Owners Day

29 Smoke and Mirrors Day

30 National Doctor’s Day

30 I am in Control Day

30 Take a Walk in the Park Day

31 Bunsen Burner Day

31 National Clam on the Half Shell Day