Little Boy Pink just doesn’t sound right

by Ken Carpenter

My favorite color has always been blue, and since blue is the most popular of all colors that would make me just another run-of-the-mill color dude. I am not partial to any particular shade of blue, I seem to like all of the dozens of tints.
Most of my clothes are blue, or gray, which goes well with blue. Blue jeans are blue, thus the name, and no finer garment was ever devised.
I have brown eyes, but I have always been enticed by a blue-eyed girl. They seem to peer into your soul, and if they don’t like what they see you know it right off the bat. The blue turns to ice and the party is over without having begun, no further games being necessary.
My wife’s eyes are blue, but I did not throw this in to pile up brownie points. Honest I didn’t.
Plain old blue is the number one rated Crayola color, with six of the top ten and fifteen of the top fifty being different kinds of blue. My boys used to love coloring faces blue, probably because they liked Star Trek and aliens seem to be partial to blue hide.
Blue is traditionally associated with boys, but it was not always so. Before the First World War blue was considered a female color, because it was the most expensive to use in painting and was often saved for painting pictures of St. Mary. Pink was the male color, for it was associated with fox hunting. Go foxes!
I am forever grateful the world came to their senses, otherwise my closet might be filled with pink jeans. Brrrrrrr, it gives me chills to think of it.
Blue has not always been popular. Ancient Greeks scorned the color as being ugly and barbaric. I imagine they were partial to green, since they were always green with envy for their geographic neighbor’s riches.
A Frenchman named Michel Pastoureau wrote a 216-page coffee table book about the color blue in 2001. Granted that 100 pages were pictures, but that is still a lot of gab about a subject that had me worried about coming up with 700 words. I stand humbled.
The blues are my favorite music, and they do not make me blue no matter how hard they try. Instead, they can make your toe-tapping soul think that there are blue skies ahead.
Aristocrats are known as ”blue bloods”, for they often avoid the sun to keep their skin pale, allowing blue-tinged veins to stand out. That may explain why their delicate, red tinted noses are constantly elevated and out of joint; the better to sense the heat from the ill-mannered sun, of course.
Oddly enough, people who make their living doing manual labor are known as blue-collar workers, and those who boss them are called white-collar. It seems blue is the most versatile of adjectives, fitting in anywhere it is needed.
A blue joke or a blue movie are those which refer to socially taboo subject matter, which is a fancy way of saying they are nasty. Blue laws are those that try to regulate nastiness, attempting to protect us from ourselves. Give them a blue ribbon for trying, but those who gravitate toward indecency will rarely get the blues from lack of material.
Deep Blue was the chess playing computer that Big Blue, IBM, designed to defeat chess master Garry Kasparov, making him cuss a blue streak.
Dogs that are described as blue are primarily gray or silver, making you wonder why they are not described as gray or silver instead.
Paul Bunyan’s giant ox was named Babe and he was shiny blue, which would be my choice for a giant ox, too. Nobody with half a brain would stand behind him for fear of getting kicked far into the wild blue yonder.
If that wouldn’t make you black and blue, I don’t know what would.
Speaking of black and blue, in Australia a fight or an argument can be described as a “blue”. Aussies also have a quirky nickname for a man with red hair, calling them “Bluey” for reasons unknown. I have black hair, I wonder if they would call me Redey?
One thing blue is not renowned for is being a food color. Jello and Kool-aid are about the only ones I can think of except for blue cheese, and I like them all so percentage wise they do pretty good.
Bluebirds, blue books, blue whales, blue diamonds, Duke Blue Devils, and on and on, there are an endless number of blues in the world.
Alas, there is not a single one that can describe the odor that is assaulting my nostrils right now.
What in the blue blazes did that dog eat for lunch anyway?