What happened to Carrot Top? Who cares?

by Ken Carpenter

My story today was written in early 2002. The odious Carrot Top was actually famous enough to be paid for doing TV commercials back then. I don’t think he could coax anyone into buying cheap, thick toilet paper now. We would all go caveman and start using weeds.
I was a bachelor back then, which my story makes perfectly clear. As far as Carrot Top goes, my feelings have not changed. He could still torment me into convulsions if I was exposed to him for very long.
Just for general information, very disgusting information, Carrot Top is now performing in Las Vegas. He calls himself “Best Male Stand-Up Comedian!” That alone is a crime if ever I heard one. To top it off the tickets start at $49.95!
I fear for the future of the human race.